Sometimes people say things that upset you more than help when you are just not feeling the "hope" thing. Like, "everything will be okay", and just how would they know. Everything has not been okay in a long while.
Another one that I really hate is, " you time will come". Where do people get this stuff from? I know that they are trying to help, but if you don't know what to say don't say anything at all. I would understand better if they would just tell me that they don't know what to say.
This is more than I can bare at times, and I don't know how much longer that I can. I know that there is nothing that I can do about it, but the time of year brings everything back to you brand new.
I hate those times when nothing seems to flush away the constant flood of hopes and the heartache of the memories. It is too much most of the time, and hard on my mind. I feel like i am not far from a break and when it comes it will come hard. I am cycling again. I know the signs and they are familiar as I have experienced them manys times before.
There is just no relief from the constant feelings of loss and inadequacy. I think that I am just tired of it all. I am more than tired, I am exhausted. There are children everywhere and none of them are mine, that is the most sad thing of all. I just want to run, but where would I run to? How would help me? I just don't know what else to do. I am beyond understanding. My poor heart and mind is crushed. I am beaten. I feel so lost in my own home and body and life. All I have is the memories and none of them are good ones.
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