Acceptance?????

How do you accept the fact that you are just not meant to have children? that there is nothing left, no way out? How do you find hope and help in a situation like mine? I just don't know. I feel like there is no way out for me. I just do not feel like even if we do IVF that it will work anyway. I am no depending on my sister either. She has so much going on in her life right now that trying to get pregnant for us would be an even further strain on her.

I really want to scream.. I want to cry, but more than that I am angry and feeling lost. I know that my husband tries to understand but there is just no way that he could know. He wants to make it all better for me, and he always says things that are menat to cheer me up and help me have hope, but all it does is make me angry because he does not want to deal with the negative aspects of what we are going through.

It is all my fault anyway. If I had not been so lost when I was young and tried to find love in anyone who showed me affection I would not be here now. I would have had a family long ago... I am stupid and dumb and crazy. I hate myself for what I have done, not only to myself but to my children, and to my husband. Now I have to accept and live with the fact that all of this is my fault. I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!