Guilt Trip

I am not feeling too well--I think I have a touch of bronchitis. Not fun :( Then there is the pain, which is a constant. I got a phone call from my MIL yesterday--most of which I spent in the bed. She asked if there was anything that I needed and if she could do anything for me. By the time I was saying good-bye I could here her choking up a little. I really did not need that.

For so long everyone thought that I was kidding our attention seeking when I told them how badly I was hurting. No one believed me. I even had a surprise visit Saturday from my SIL. She never comes by here! What is going on. I am guessing that they have gone on a guilt trip and want for me to come along. Sorry not interested.

I have my husband, and he helps me. It has been just the two of us since we got married, and I would just as soon like to keep it that way. I do love them, but I am not in the place right now where they can do anything for me, and when they could they didn't--so why now?

They have known our situation about our struggle with infertility, and they have not done anything. My MIL even told me one day that I would never have children, and laughed in my face. So to me all of the belated emotions are all but a wash to me. I have to contend with pain everyday. My mind is a virtual whirlwind most of the time, and I do not have room for other people's mess.

If I have to be here by myself--it is better that I not have them around. I don't like pity. I have no need for it. I just wanted to be heard, and needed, and loved, they could not help me then--and they can't help me now.

I just feel so strange with their being all sweetness now. Where were they when I needed them most. I will not sat that they haven't been there at all--they have been. I just feel like when they should have been there they haven't been. They don't really talk to me, so all of the sudden attention bothers me.