That is how I am feeling. I have finally found a neurosurgeon that will see me without a referral. With everything that is going on with my neck and back, and the meds that I am on--I just do not know how I am going to make it through another IVF and feel possitive about the outcome.
I think that I will wait and see what the neuro doc has to say before booking a flight to New York. It is important for me because I have always wanted children, but I also want to be well enough to take care of them. I do not know how I am going to face all of this and IVF too. My sweet husband wants children so badly, but I do not want to leave him with all of the work that will be involved in taking care of a new child and a wife that can do so little.
Add to everything that my heart just aches for children and finding out about my ovaries so soon after losing a pregnancy, and the disapointment of my last failed IVF and I just don't know how much more of this that my poor heart and mind can take.
I am also having issues with sleep again. Not as bad as before, but definately not good seeing that I have two little girls to take care of today. They require so much from me. It is not easy when I have had so little sleep and so much pain. also there has been another bout of stomach virus in my house which makes everything worse.
I think that it is time to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with my hubby. I know that he will not understand all that I am going through--but he will try and stand by me no matter what happens. I just don't want to break his heart about this upcoming IVF. He is so excited about it and even though I would love to be able to give him the children that he so longs for but I also know the toll that it will take on my body and mind.
I am at the crossroads.
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