Focus

Is now on trying to live with pain and the constant feeling of not living but exsisting until that moment comes when I am once again under the knife. I still want children so badly that my heart aches constantly. It is an undertaking to do any small task and I am having to use a walker to move around my house.

I feel old and tired and sad, and more than anything useless. My husband has been a true rock through all of this and more man than I could ever have hoped for. The Lord has truly been good to me through my husband. Standing by me thrrough our battle with infertility has been so much more than I could ever have asked for. But for him to have to care for me in this way now is even harder for me to take.

I stay in a drug induced stupor most of the day, and when I am not I am in constant pain. April 15th cannot come soon enough. I want my life back, or at least what there was of it.

The longing for children in my life has not left even my dreams are filled with the hope that one day I may be a mother. I awake feeling like I don't know where or who I am. I still believe that if it is His will it will be done. Although my heart still aches.

That is all that I have in me right now, I am getting dizzy even now as I type this. I do not know when or if I will blog anytime soon as I cannot sit up for long. I am thinking of you all.....

Amy