I have been through so much in the past few months that I cannot number the times when I truly felt like God had forgotten about me.
I am learning through this experience that in order to trust someone anyone, you have to have faith, and that is where I faultered. It was not God, it was me. I allowed my faith in Him to become so low that I wondered if He even cared at all.
The most amazing thing though is that even though I had so little faith, He still loves me enough to show Himself to me through others. So many acts of kindness, and contact with my family. My sisters are coming today to see me. We have not all gotten together since the the death of my parents 3 years ago.
He is carrying my through this and I have no other choice but to believe that all things work together to His great and mighty will, even in my wreched exsistance He has shown great grace and mercy towards me and for that I am grateful.
Doctor's Update: I am going in Monday the 20th for a myleogram which will show where the compression on my spinal cord is, and shorthy thereafter I will have surgery. I am sure that this is not the way that I would have chosen to truly allow His will in my life to show itself, but it is His will and not my own. It is His grace and mercy that has gotten me this far.
I am reading a book loaned to me by a close friend called The Pilgrim's Progress. I am not sure of the author but i will post it as soon as I can. If you are a believer then this is a must read. I find so much of myself and my walk in common with the main character. So much of my short term memory is affected right now that if I do not write things down they are soon forgotten. Sorry about that.
All that to say this, I am blessed to be who and where I am. I am sure that it is His will for my life to have an awsome testimony. I long for healing and the grace to serve with a pure heart. I long to give Him the glory for all that He has and is doing for me. I am thankful.
I am trusting and believing.........
Until
3 comments:
Sorry I'm late, Amy. You have been on my mind lately even though we've had some chaos and company! I hope your procedure on Monday went ok, and I'm eager for an update.
It is great that your family is beginning to come together again. When I'm reminded of all you've been through, I am just amazed at how far you've come. You really are a strong woman - even if you don't always feel like it! You've stood firm in your faith even through the most difficult times.
Praying for you, friend!
Hi Amy,
I hope your surgery went well.
I'm a physician and former faculty member at Harvard and Stanford Medical Schools. I discovered your blog while looking for the best health writers on the web. I reviewed your posts, and think your writing would be a great addition to the Pregnancy & Fertility Community on Wellsphere, a top 5 health website that has nearly 5 million visitors monthly. If you would like to learn more about how you can join our Health Blogger Network, republish your blog posts and be featured on the Wellsphere platform, just drop me an email at dr.rutledge@wellsphere.com.
Cheers,
Geoff
I am just checking in on you...
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